This is probably the weirdest post I have ever done,and have debated back and forth whether or not I should posted. I finally decided I would because I feel like I've seen way too much heartache over broken marriages that could have been prevented if the girls had known what to watch out for. I doubt very many single girls even read my blog, but even if this saves one girl from going through a terrible relationship and marriage, it's worth it.
I would tell ANY girl these things--girlfriends, girls who are not-so-much friends. But really, I have seen too many friends who missed seeing these signs in the guys they were going to marry, or chose to overlook them because of other good qualities, and they've all ended up divorced. It's so sad for me to see. Please know that EVERY single
thing on this list is a MAJOR warning sign--some of the guys only had one of these signs before my friends married them, some had more. A broken engagement/relationship rather than a broken marriage a few years down the road. These things may even seem small, but know that any problems you have while dating usually get amplified
when you get married because you are together more time, in more situations, and the commitment is there so people feel they don't have to show their best selves all the time.
1. Anger management problems. If a guy or girl gets overly upset about things while you are dating, know it only gets worse after you get married. Even if the guy never hits you, breaking things, throwing things, yelling, and making you feel guilty over little things are severe forms of emotional abuse. Even little things adding up over the years can become exhausting to deal with. Abuse usually escalates with marriage, marriage does not decrease it.
2. Family has a bad feeling about the guy/girl. It's one thing if your family doesn't like your chosen one because they are from a lower economic class or not as educated or something. Then it's really up to you to decide. But if your family has a bad feeling about someone, PLEASE listen to the warning signs. Especially if your siblings don't like him. I know it's easy to disagree with parents about things because they are overly concerned about us, but families can really tell things that someone that is emotionally attached can't. I've known families that had bad feelings about the person their son/daughter was going to marry, and after they are married the spouse has discovered major infidelity, abuse, or dishonesty. Our own emotions can confuse what we think are spiritual promptings. Take the opinions of your close family members into serious consideration
3. Pornography. This one is kind of a "duh". Major run-away sign. Repentance is possible, but you want to be considering a relationship with someone after this problem is long in the past, if it was
4. Selfishness. Your spouse or spouse-to-be should be more concerned about your happiness than their own. This is tricky, because obviously you want your spouse or spouse to be happy, but he/she should be the same way. If they are always making you feel guilty for not thinking about them first, major warning sign. This one can also take years to add up to the point where you can't take it anymore, but it can and does add up. I've seen this come out in different ways, from not sharing money with a spouse when it was desperately needed to demanding all the time and attention that the spouse has.
5. Unrighteous dominion. A guy should not be pressuring you to marry him because of his "revelation" or "promptings", or really anything for that matter. You shouldn't feel pressured into getting married, or made feel guilty enough to go along with it. You should genuinely want to be with that person and feel completely free to make that decision.
"No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man".
If a guy/girl makes you feel obligated to do things, or guilty if you don't, that is unrighteous dominion. You should NEVER marry someone because they make you feel obligated to do so. Marriage should be given freely, without compulsion. I don't care if it's five minutes before the marriage ceremony--you should still feel free to walk out if you don't feel right about it and not obligated to follow through. Until you say "yes", you are COMPLETELY free to change your mind.
6. Very possessive or jealous. If your significant other is upset when you talk to, or study with, or sit in class by members of the opposite gender, that is a major warning sign. People who are possessive before marriage are usually abusive during marriage.
That's it folks. Take it or leave it.
1 year ago